A Christian marriage, in contrast to a secular one, has a much higher purpose than mere compatibility. Its primary bond is spiritual and it exists to nurture each other’s personal faith while advancing God’s purposes on the earth. This will be demonstrated daily in the priorities you have chosen and the way you serve each other. Although love is not a checklist, here are some significant indicators towards a fulfilling, biblical marriage.
1. Have you both fully surrendered your lives to Jesus Christ?
If so, the “What’s-in-it-for-me?” questions and conflicts so common to newlyweds will quickly yield to “What does the Word say?” Those committed to an authentic, biblical marriage will discover an unlimited supply of kind, sacrificial love from Love Himself.
A Christian marriage, in contrast to a secular one, has a much higher purpose than mere compatibility.
Pastor Rachel Burchfield
2. Have you enjoyed a healthy, dating relationship for at least a year?
Getting to know someone takes time, so go slowly, especially if you are under 21 or recently divorced. Are you spiritually growing? Do you still have a life of your own? Any jealousy or co-dependent issues? Try a variety of activities in different types of social settings.
3. Do they have long-term friendships and get along with people?
If they have a history of broken relationships, control issues, blaming others, making excuses and continual drama, don’t expect marriage to be any different. Well balanced, secure people tend to get along with just about anyone.
4. Have you both been completely honest about your past?
Anyone who is considering spending the rest of their life with you deserves full disclosure. Spare the details, but be honest; specifically about previous sexual encounters, credit card debt, criminal activity, pornography, abusive inclinations and gender issues.
5. Have you been honest about your recurring struggles?
Trust is the foundation of marriage. Withholding information about your eating disorder,
bouts of depression, a family’s credit scores, or addiction to pain pills is betrayal. Your spouse will be more supportive if you have been transparent. No secret sins/struggles are allowed.
6. Does he/she know how to manage their moods?
All marital issues stem out of selfishness. There are many Christians who are saved but refuse to grow beyond anger issues or mood swings. After marriage, these are habits usually get worse, not better. Think long and hard if you really want to spend your life at the mercy of a moody woman or be the victim of an angry man.
7. How does he/she deal with crisis or relational conflict?
When under pressure, people with good character remain honest, teachable, courageous and take full responsibility. But, if their way of dealing with either involves meltdowns, cruel FB posts, shouting matches, the silent treatment or repressive behavior, beware.
8. Do your family and godly friends support this?
Love really is blind, so it’s good to depend upon those closest to you to expose any glaring blind spots. Try not to bristle or get defensive if they point out a concern. They’ve got your back.“ In the multitude of counsellors, there is safety.” Prov. 11:14
9. Is he/she financially responsible?
Do they honor the Lord with His tithe and offerings? Live on a realistic budget? Have
savings account? Red flags include those who gamble, hide money, make excuses for their debt, can’t say “no” to a purchase, or always “bum a ride & borrow a dollar.”
10. Do you share common priorities, goals and dreams?
Are you going in the same direction at the same speed? Read II Cor. 6:14 and realize that two believers can be unequally yoked, too. Spend time evaluating your personal beliefs about gender roles, birth control, holiday expectations, child raising and retirement.
11. Can you trust him/her sexually? Gen. 39:9, Ps. 101:3
If you can’t trust his covenant with God before marriage, what makes you think that you can trust it after marriage? Once you are sexually involved, good decision-making processes are clouded and the real relationship-building attributes get quickly displaced. Set clear boundaries together and reserve anything involving your private parts for marriage.
12. Are you both emotionally prepared to “leave and cleave” their families?
Many a bride has moved geographically, yet never left emotionally. In that scenario, Dad’s opinion still trumps her husband’s or the groom calls Mama after every spat. True oneness grows as you emotionally detach your dependency from your families and commit your love and loyalty to each other.
13. Do they inspire you to become a better person and reach for your dreams?
Do you come home from dates ready to conquer the world or pull the sheets over your head? Your greatest influence to make daily decisions and fulfill your life dreams will come from your spouse.
Still confused? As a believer, you can be confident that the Holy Spirit is guiding you. Relax and depend on Him. Jn. 14:26, Ps. 145:19, Prov. 3:5-6
