O
ne of God’s greatest gifts to you is the relationships that surround you daily. Learning to discern and develop the various levels of their purposes can prove to be extremely beneficial to your spiritual journey with Jesus. After all, you are a product of your relationships and they are greatly influencing.
Ground Rules
Relationships can become strained, estranged, or just plain strange because some basic mistakes have occurred. Before I launch you towards the seven billion people on today’s earth, let’s lay some ground rules now, which are fundamental for strong, solid relationships later. 1) Take responsibility for your happiness. It’s not anyone else’s duty to make you happy. 2) Inward peace is your source for outward pleasure. This occurs by accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Savior. 3) Jesus Christ is the only Messiah, so don’t put that pressure on a human relationship.
People Need People
Social connection is to humans what water is to fish: you don’t notice it until it’s missing. God never intended for you to live a lonely life void of emotional interaction. Researchers say that isolation carries the same risk of early death as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day, being severely obese, or living life as an alcoholic. With a spike in delayed marriages, widowhood, divorcees, ambition-obsessed overachievers, and relatives scattered across the map, it is easy for people to get lost in the crowd. Isolation and the emotional vacuum it brings is rampant in our churches and communities.
Benefits Of Healthy Relationships
People in healthy long-term relationships of all types (marriage or platonic) report higher levels of happiness, fewer health problems, and longer life spans. Their children do better in school, have lower rates of substance abuse, and succeed more in their adult relationships.
Healthy relationships are also stressed busters, causing an increase in oxytocin, the bonding hormone which regulates stress. Some research has even implied that those with healthy relationships lived on average 3.7 years longer than their lonely counterparts. Even if these benefits seem far-fetched, we would all agree that being part of a social network makes people feel needed and boosts self-esteem.
Relational Levels
A casual relationship can be enjoyed with hundreds of people since the commitment level is very shallow and expectations few. You might swap small talk each day with the coffee house clerk, but nothing more occurs. Although it’s pleasant, you might not even know their name.
A committed relationship might involve fifteen people, which is quite a drastic contrast to your casual people-groups. Committed relationships take time, mutual respect, and strong communication skills. These are those who confront your wrong priorities and you listen or whisk you away to an irresponsible day at the beach. One year, in particular, I purchased and sent over sixty birthday cards to “only my special friends.” Although it was difficult for me to accept, I cannot be committed to sixty separate people and I cannot nurture my God-connections if I try.
Your covenant relationships, those whom God joined to you for His purposes, might be as few as five. When separated by distance or destiny, you’ll pick right up where you left off, because of that God-connection. Blessed is the one who recognizes and reveres their covenant relationships.
Evaluate All Friends
We need to intentionally evaluate the people who are influencing us. If they cause you to become cynical or sarcastic, consider distancing yourself from them. The Apostle Paul instructs us to “renounce unfruitful works…” Some relationships aren’t bad, but they just aren’t good. They are unfruitful. Positive friendships should inspire you to become a better person and get closer to the Lord. Break rank from friends who keep you in your blame-game, complaining world. This is not just a message for our teenagers. All of us need to evaluate those we spend time with. Friends are like elevators. They either take you up or down, and life’s too short to stay down.
Celebrate Good Friends
Let’s nurture the genuine, healthy friendships which God has given us. The keyword here is nurture, as infrequent communication, a positive connection, trust, honesty, mutual support, and loving concern. This sounds like your local church, doesn’t it? Despite the positive relationships enjoyed at your place of work or gym, nothing can compare to your friends in the Lord. Is there any wonder why David said, “I was glad when they said to me, ‘Let us go to the House of the Lord? Just like you, after a time of praise at the altar, he probably enjoyed challah bread in the foyer with his friends.
